Remembrance Of Ancestors

Remembrance Of Ancestors
Seema Burman

The first time i learnt of the practice of ancestor remembrance – pitra puja or pitra paksha – was from office colleagues who would share kheer with all during lunch break. That year for the first time we invited a pandit to our home to perform pitra puja and it turned out to be an interesting experience. I came to know my grandma’s real name, and there was much sharing of anecdotes – her likes and dislikes, how she dressed, what she ate, and so on. As the youngest child, my father had never performed the ceremony. The priest explained that elders and youngsters all participate in the ceremony as it is an exercise in collective remembrance.

We searched frantically for given names of ancestors – who we usually knew as grandma or grandpa, grand-aunt or uncle; so we found ourselves sifting through diaries, calling up long lost relatives, and generally shaking the dust off the family tree. Strangely, the exercise brought home the truth that we do in fact tend to forget our forefathers and foremothers, over the passage of time. Are they not part of our identity? The ritual makes us aware of our roots and generates a great deal of storytelling and remembering. These included scandals, tales of honesty and bravery, and peculiar situations such as the one when a member of the family confessed to craving for sweets even as her grandma was being attended to, following an accident!

Recollecting memories made us sombre; silent tears were shed. The pandit, however, pointed out that those who dwell in body have to go through their share of pain and pleasure and it is a reminder that the goal of human birth is to be liberated by loving God. I asked: "What if we had not fulfilled our duties to our ancestors...will remembering them serve as atonement?” He said: "Do everything selflessly. Otherwise it becomes a burden. And your duty is not only towards your immediate family but it extends to all of Creation. Are you fulfilling that?"
I had more questions. "Will the food, clothes and money that we’re offering in their name, reach them?" Smiling, the pandit replied: “The soul never dies. When it gets a bodily form as a vehicle it enjoys through senses but without the vehicle of body one enjoys the gratitude, emotions and conscious awareness. Any ritual is useless if done mechanically or in ignorance but can be illuminating if done lovingly and with awareness.’’

I attended a workshop conducted by Avdhoot Baba Shivanand where he asked us: "It's good that you observe such rituals...but did you love them (your ancestors) then (while they were living)?’’ He reminds us that we have still many who are left behind. Reminding us of our present family members the Baba says that with them, our attitude should be that of showering love. ‘Tu pyaar ka sagar hai – you are an ocean of love – because you are made in the mould of God. So shower love on all. That is what everyone wants or else they, too, will go away forever, craving your love – teri ik boond ke pyaase hum, lauta jo diya toone, chale jaayenge jahan se hum.’

Today, as we set about performing the ritual in remembrance of our father, our eyes are misty with memories – why did we keep our love trapped in us; why didn’t we simply express it while he lived?